Watch TV?

Ever felt that your watch would be so much better if it had a built in TV? No, me neither. But if you ever do, the clever folk at Tokyo’s NHJ Limited have come up with this nifty little number.

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That is a football game that’s showing though. You know what? It might not be such a bad idea after all.

And apologies for the corny title. But it’s quite a clever play on words don’t you think?

Oh, ok then.

The crying game

Here are two young participants in the 2004 baby sumo crying tournament.

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Babies born in 2003 were eligible for this year’s contest, and the fighter judged the loudest crier took home the much coveted title. With this year seeing 70 of the noisy little creatures entered, it makes for an event worth avoiding at all costs.

Golden week goodness

Today, and then Saturday to Wednesday is Golden Week here in Japan. It’s basically 4 national holidays bunched together. Today for example is Green Day. A title that gives me the ahem, golden opportunity of making a joke linking it to the similarly named pop group. But at best it would be a lame effort. So I shall refrain.

Why it’s called Golden Week I don’t know, but it’s quite apt in that prices for hotels, flights, and holidays in general reach ridiculous levels. But for many people this is the only time they can get off work, so the travel companies have them by proverbials. A gold card for Golden Week would be very useful, if not essential.

But expensive as it may be to travel, it’s still time off work. Never something to be sniffed at. And also, as next Wednesday is Boys Day, there are lots of koinobori brightening up the landscape. These are kind of Koi Carp kites that represent the family. The bigger ones are the parents, and the smaller ones the kids. There admittedly is a lot more to it than that, but it’s too difficult to explain. And if I’m being honest, I’m not 100% sure myself. I’ve heard so many different variations I don’t know what is right or wrong. Are you buying that excuse?

But whatever the true meaning, they are always a welcome sight.

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Although this group that I came across must belong to a family that never got around to buying a TV. That’s a lot of kids!

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Serial panty pilferer nabbed

A nation breathes easier today, as arguably Japan’s worst recorded panty poacher is now safely behind bars.

55-year-old Kazumasa Ota was arrested this month after being apprehended by an unidentified company employee. The diligent citizen spotted Mr. Ota attempting to snatch a 4th piece of underwear from an apartment balcony, and bravely detained him until the police arrived.

The underwear-loving thief is suspected of being a keen panty plunderer for over 30 years. And after searching his house, police found 30 cardboard boxes packed with more than 4,000 items of women’s underwear. All carefully folded up and protected with moth repellant.

When questioned by police, Mr. Ota said, “I like women’s underwear.” Surely a contender for understatement of the year.

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Lavatorial letch

Over the weekend, a man was arrested at Kansai International Airport after being found in the ceiling above a women’s toilet.

A security guard noticed that somebody had climbed up into the ceiling cavity of the car park toilets, and promptly alerted the police. After his subsequent capture and arrest, the 50 year old suspect Shuichi Arai said he had climbed up there in an effort to escape from somebody who was chasing him.

Thankfully it would appear that I’m not the only one who thinks that the ceiling of a public toilet is a decidedly odd escape route, as inspectors strongly suspect that Mr. Arai’s motive was to spy on women using the toilet.

And just to add to the suspect’s embarrassment, rescue workers had to be called out, as he’d managed to get himself trapped in the maze of pipes above the ceiling.

In the news report, Mr. Arai’s marital status wasn’t disclosed, so it’s unknown if he’s had to explain his conduct to a dismayed and disgusted spouse. However he does have a job. Just imagine the shame of going back to work after being rumbled for spying on women using the toilet. It doesn’t even bear thinking about does it?

Mildly amusing Japanese-English #8

Dutch wife

For reasons unknown, a blow up doll in Japan is called a dutch wife. There probably is a simple explanation for such an unusual name, but I think I’d prefer not to know. That way it’s more intriguing, and also funnier. Unless you happen to be a real Dutch wife I suppose.

But in technology driven Japan, dutch wives are not freakish looking inflatable monsters. Instead they are silicone-molded beauties, that apparently have a texture very similar to real skin and are completely seam free. These state of the art dutch wives do come at a price though. The latest Jewel model will set you back a libido quelling 600,000 yen (3,000 pound).

For anybody in the market for a dutch wife, here’s what you can expect for your money.

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And as you can see from these pictures, you can take your bride out on a date, or even to the beach.

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Orient Industry who make these companions offer a lifelong after-service, and anticipate a time when the doll will outlive its owner. But for any unwanted dutch wives, the company will discreetly take them back free of charge. And rather than just throw them away, twice a year it has a Buddhist memorial service, where the ‘souls’ of the dolls are consecrated.

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